Plumbing Quotes and Jokes!
I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, 'Every time you flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth'.
“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”
A good flush beats a full house every time!
Did you hear that someone stole a toilet out of the police station? Yep. Right now the cops have nothing to go on.....
“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.
A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it's his day off.
What's the difference between a doctor and a plumber? A doctor washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a plumber washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
“Had I been more responsible I might have made something of myself as a junk bond trader, long-haul trucker or perhaps a plumbing contractor.”
I mean, just because you're a musician doesn't mean all your ideas are about music. So every once in a while I get an idea about plumbing, I get an idea about city government, and they come the way they come.
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"
Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house.
“The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.”
Charles Wyly was born Oct 13, 1933, in Lake Providence, La., and for a period lived with his family in a shack without electricity or plumbing.
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please". The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.
A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations."
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
There was a story of a plumber being called to a doctor's home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, "Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can't charge that kind of money!" The plumber smiled and said, "Yeah, I couldn't either when I was in practice."
We have grown accustomed to the wonders of clean water, indoor plumbing, laser surgery, genetic engineering, artificial joints, replacement body parts, and the much longer lives that accompany them. Yet we should remember that the vast majority of humans ever born died before the age of 10 from an infectious disease.
One time at the University of Colorado, at a faculty dinner, this professor said to me, 'Well, my goodness, a boy from Appa-lay-chee-a with a Ph.D!' The dinner was in her house. And I said, 'My grandparents didn't have indoor plumbing, but they had more books in their house than you do.' I was a little insulted by the Appa-lay-chee-a business.
“Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.”
Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"
Acting is not an important job in the scheme of things. Plumbing is.
After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn't purchase any tickets at all. They weren't too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."
A human being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
“Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he’d be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.”
“A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.”
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated." So, the plumber relents.
“If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.”
In what way is a Doctor and Plumber alike?
Basically, I'm a musical vocalist, but I do voiceover stuff as a sideline, like plumbing or something.
A good flush beats a full house every time.
I consider myself a D.I.Y. home improvement guy. In a prior life, I completely gutted a house - redid the plumbing, wiring, moved sewage pipes, knocked down walls, everything.
The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.
“Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.”
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."
Plumbing is usually boring.
It's really important in any historical fiction, I think, to anchor the story in its time. And you do that by weaving in those details, by, believe it or not, by the plumbing.
"That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8 p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."
“Let’s say I was a plumber, or I worked at a factory, I would download music, you feel what I’m saying?”
The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?"
“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”
A good flush beats a full house every time!
Did you hear that someone stole a toilet out of the police station? Yep. Right now the cops have nothing to go on.....
“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.
A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it's his day off.
What's the difference between a doctor and a plumber? A doctor washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a plumber washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
“Had I been more responsible I might have made something of myself as a junk bond trader, long-haul trucker or perhaps a plumbing contractor.”
I mean, just because you're a musician doesn't mean all your ideas are about music. So every once in a while I get an idea about plumbing, I get an idea about city government, and they come the way they come.
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"
Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house.
“The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.”
Charles Wyly was born Oct 13, 1933, in Lake Providence, La., and for a period lived with his family in a shack without electricity or plumbing.
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please". The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.
A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations."
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
There was a story of a plumber being called to a doctor's home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, "Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can't charge that kind of money!" The plumber smiled and said, "Yeah, I couldn't either when I was in practice."
We have grown accustomed to the wonders of clean water, indoor plumbing, laser surgery, genetic engineering, artificial joints, replacement body parts, and the much longer lives that accompany them. Yet we should remember that the vast majority of humans ever born died before the age of 10 from an infectious disease.
One time at the University of Colorado, at a faculty dinner, this professor said to me, 'Well, my goodness, a boy from Appa-lay-chee-a with a Ph.D!' The dinner was in her house. And I said, 'My grandparents didn't have indoor plumbing, but they had more books in their house than you do.' I was a little insulted by the Appa-lay-chee-a business.
“Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.”
Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"
Acting is not an important job in the scheme of things. Plumbing is.
After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn't purchase any tickets at all. They weren't too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."
A human being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
“Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he’d be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.”
“A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.”
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated." So, the plumber relents.
“If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.”
In what way is a Doctor and Plumber alike?
Basically, I'm a musical vocalist, but I do voiceover stuff as a sideline, like plumbing or something.
A good flush beats a full house every time.
I consider myself a D.I.Y. home improvement guy. In a prior life, I completely gutted a house - redid the plumbing, wiring, moved sewage pipes, knocked down walls, everything.
The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.
“Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.”
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."
Plumbing is usually boring.
It's really important in any historical fiction, I think, to anchor the story in its time. And you do that by weaving in those details, by, believe it or not, by the plumbing.
"That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8 p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."
“Let’s say I was a plumber, or I worked at a factory, I would download music, you feel what I’m saying?”
The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?"